Chemo-kid: I make life worth it!

I can’t imagine what some people are going through. 

Right now, I’m sitting here, about to go to bed. But I know some people are cooped up in the hospitals or sleeping under a bridge.

Sometimes, I feel guilty for actually being where I am in life. I haven’t had to really work for it, but to just do it.

I wish I could take peoples’ pain away. Especially some of my friends. I don’t understand why God gave me this blessing as being a survivor of cancer, but He is allowing other people, my FRIENDS, to relapse. It is very upsetting to me.

I hope one day there will be a cure. I love my friends, and I want to out live me…

I can’t imagine it getting much better. I know it will though. As of now, I have the Christmas tree up, decorations up, a warm home, and an amazing man!! I couldn’t ask for more!!! I have the most amazing man in my life. Trey Walters is the sweetest guy I know. He has treated me so great over the past 2 and a half years as a best friend and almost a year as a girlfriend!!! He is so sweet, and he is so thoughtful. I love living with him. and my cat, Daisy. She is like a child, but I love her. I am so excited for some of my friends. Lexie just got married and is pregnant, Alex has an awesome band starting up, and some other friends and family are getting married. I’m ready for my day, yes, but I am soooo excited for all these other people that are having such an amazing life!!! I am so happy right now. I am currently trying to lose weight, and it’s working!! I am just in such a great mood! I have not been this happy in so long, and it such a relief to feel this way. I love my family, friends, boyfriend, and my life :)

We say everything happens for a reason. well, that is definitely true in my eyes. I feel like I have learned a lot in the past few months about life, friendships, what I want to do, and even love. I have grown with God and I have also grown in life. I hope this path that I am beginning to choose will really lead me to something great. I have a lot of goals that I hope to reach in the near future and even in the far future. These goals will make me stronger along with gaining confidence. Hopefully I will reach them if God will allow

This might turn out interesting seeing how I am half way asleep. I am sitting here with Teresa. We’ve had an awesome night, but all comes to an end tomrrow when I pack up all my stuff to start moving it to my new dorm on Friday. I believe this will begin a better chapter in my life Maybe it’ll bring me back to my old ways of being more social. I sure as heck hope so. I need a more social life that’s for sure. Cooped up in my room with the books and T.V. doesn’t get me far. Or doing Sudoku which I am amazing at lol. Oh, and spider solitaire. That has been my life for the past year. I hope that changes. I really do. You can only watch so much CSI before you know how to get away with murder. Laugh if you want, but it is true. I mean, I ain’t saying I am going to go kill someone, but I could probably most likely get away with it. My life is about randomness and I hope it gets more random and more of the spur of the moment because this average routine everyday crap really is getting old. Trying to look towards the future is what makes my day become better. I have God to thank for each day, but now starting my second year of college, He can make it even better. I know I NEED it not just want it, but I NEED a more interesting life. I hate boredom. That is no way to live. Enough of my rambling though. Goodnight!!!

tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Austrailia!!

White Water is always fun, but a broken toe and a drop in Potassium to get a terrible pain staking leg cramp is not fun. I do believe overall it was a great day. Tomorrow should be fun!! Kyle and me are packing for Michigan. Fun Fun!! And going out to eat with Matt and Kyle. I do believe it will be good the next week or two. Life should be good for the time being. I don’t know what else to say about life. Know that God Loves You! and I do too! Know that no matter what you go through, there will always be a moutain top because for every valley there has to be that mountain top to look forward to. God as my salvation and as my inspiration will keep me pushing on and staying happy and alive!!

there is so much to say but i dont know the right words. I am so broken. And i am so hurt. I feel tortured. And unloved

The truth is that I am not the happiest right now. I know I should be, but too many changes are going on. My dorm is getting demolished today and everything will be gone. I knokw I hated living there, but after a year I wish change didn’t have to come. I have been so busy with no time to relax. The reasons for being busy ended up not meaning anything because the plans fell through. I hated waking up this morning because I knew the one wish I wanted was not coming true. I know people have it worse off then this little old problem of mine like all my friends going through cancer and surgeries so it also angers me that I am so upset over this. I know I have God by my side at all times, but sometimes I feel so alone. Today I have to get up and go about my business as though nothing is wrong. I have a lot of stuff built up inside. I don’t understand a lot of things and probebly never will. I know it is life, but sometimes I just wish it would work out in my favor. I pray every night for things to just go right and to take care of my friends and family, but to the left and right I am losing friends that I loved dearly. Cancer is a word that I hate even though I have met so many people because of it. One day cancer will no longer be an enemy of mine, and until that day I will hurt. I feel so bad for all the things that are going on in my friends lives that I wish I could take their place. They are younger than me, and I want to take all their pain away. I just want to take all the stress away because I know in the end I can handle it because I deal with it daily, and even if it comes to a point where I couldn’t handle it, at least it took my life and not theirs.